I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand,
Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?
These sensations barely interest me for another day,
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away.

It's getting faster, moving faster now, it's getting out of hand,
On the tenth floor, down the back stairs, it's a no man's land,
Lights are flashing, cars are crashing, getting frequent now,
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, let it out somehow.

What means to you, what means to me, and we will meet again,
I'm watching you, I'm watching her, I'll take no pity from your friends,
Who is right, who can tell, and who gives a damn right now,
Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know,
Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know,
Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know,
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling,
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling.
Feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling.

by Joy Division

"Oh sister, come for me
Embrace me, assure me
Hey sister, I feel it too
Sweet sister, just feel me
I’m trembling, you heal me
Hey sister, I feel it too"

- "Sister of Night" Depeche Mode

I wish I had something I could believe in.  Not a god, not a creed, but something tangible that I could dedicate my life to.  I fee like my life has been slowly stripped of all meaning.  I've done a lot of the stripping but I cannot force my mind to bend and grasp ideas that just don't fit.  I don't want to have faith but I want to believe in something that makes sense to me.  Sometimes I wish death would just come and get me the fuck out of here.  When some die they go kicking and screaming because they don't want to leave the lovely life they've lead.  When others go they simply do without putting up a fight embracing the sweet relief.  I want to go kicking and screaming but have a feeling I've leave without even a whimper. 

....and no this is not some kind of suicide threat but instead a ramble that remains on the surface of things. 

The thing I love about Christian rock is that it is a great testament of the extent that the human imagination can go.  It’s great listening to an “artist” pour their heart out to god in a love song/ballad. 

My views are what I hold true and dear in my heart, whether I like it or not.  My beliefs are what I try to convince myself of each and every day because of some “moral” inclination.    

I've been reading The Picture of Dorian Gray again and am inspired by the hedonism and the acts of self-destruction Oscar Wilde so brilliantly portrayed in his masterpiece. 

God bless the trio of Morrissey/The Smiths, The cure, and Depeche Mode.  The 80's were a hell of a decade. 

-Lie to me, Depeche Mode